12/14/24
Yo, yo, yo!
How y'all doing?
I've got the paperback book for Origins finished and uploaded to Amazon. It's ready to go live on the 31st. The e-book is still being finalized, it's a bit more annoying as the formatting is different.
I have to address different issues with the e-book, most notably the table of contents needs to have links throughout the text. (finished) The chapter names have to change to include the arc name, ex. Origins: Ai Yuki. (finished) Additonally, I had to go through and check all instances of italics and indents. (working on it)
But, the e-book is almost ready.
I have the prototype paperback copies shipping to me now. I should see them in a few days. I never ordered these for Foundations, so I'm exited for my first time! I may do that more in the future, but we'll have to see how they help me this time.
Now. for the discussion today:
I just can't seem to catch a break.
I'm getting pretty worn out here, but I can't seem to stop. I'm not sure what to do right now...
To break it down, all free time I have, I attempt to spend it chilling and breaking away, but I get bored really fast. Either I feel lazy and thus go to my computer to get work done, or I find no interest in whatever else I could do, and choose to write.
Additionally, I've started feeling "nostalgic" for my world. This has happened before. It's like the feeling when you finish a TV series and all you want is more content. Thankfully, there are two ways I can adress this: write or daydream. Both end up sending me back into work mode. This is actually why I'm writing now. (I've been pretty bored for everything besides writing today, when I take a break I want to return immediately.)
It's a weird feeling. I've never actually been to my own world, but whenever I step away I feel like I just actually left that world. This must be a symptom of my over active imagination. But, it's not like I feel present in the world every time I'm writing. When I step away I still feel like I just left that world though. It's like I want nothing to do with Earth. (It makes all the sense in the world to me, but I can't imagine a lot of other people relating. Maybe it's like desire to return to a very nice dream.)
Perhaps I'm investing too much time into this project and thinking about my characters. I desire to spend more time with them, as if it was me and them having a one-on-one conversation. I could literally talk to them in my head, as if I was communicating into their world. (Am I going insane? It seems funny to put this out there for people to read.)
Whenever I get thoughts of stepping back though, I can't bring myself to do it. I'm wearing myself out, but I'm loving the process...Could this be labeled as stockholm syndrome?
I have no plans on stepping back either. But even a single day off would be good for me, I think. Whenever I try though, I feel useless and crappy. Like my life is defined by my work, and a day without it takes all meaning from my life.
It doesn't help that all other distractions just seem to remind me of my world. Mostly, I see inspiration around me and quickly retreat into thought. How could I use this in my own stories?
It's a neverending process...
I have no intetion to stop now. That kinda worries me, but somehow excites me at the same time.
My heart tells me, "Wath ____ show, or play _____ game!" But whenever I try to do that I just get reminded of my writing and go to that anyways.
But I don't wish to rush anything. I've already started writing the next book, for better or worse. Frankly, I've salvaged the writing so far, pumping out better results than before. But I'm worried each time I write that I'm just writing slop for the sake of writing something. Happenstance, I go back an hour or two later and fix everything until I'm satisfied. And the process repeats.
At the end of the day, does any of this really matter. If I'm making good content, I'm satisfied with it, and I'm left wanting more, doesn't that mean I'm doing good work? Or perhaps I'm seeing everything through rose tinted glasses and I have major flaws that I'm overlooking.
Who knows...?
I'll leave it all off there. This is a weird state of being.
I like my work though, and I have no plans of stopping. Hopefully I can find the chance for a break soon. (Whatever that may look like.)
Au revoir!
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